Trapped in a Truck with a Mother-In-Law from Hell
Dear Savvy Traveler,
In 1978 and 1979, I was stationed with the U.S. Army in Germany. My
ex-husband's mother came to visit for FIVE WEEKS and wanted to see as
much of Europe as she could. The three of us spent most of that time
wedged in the cab of a pickup truck (his mother was, well,
large) driving through Europe. To save money, we slept in the back of
the truck, which had an aluminum cap. This woman made hideous sounds
in her sleep and snored louder than anyone I've ever known. Those
snores, reverberating against the aluminum walls, didn't exactly have
the makings of a sweet lullaby. I got very little sleep during those
five weeks.
We traveled throughout numerous countries. She spent many hours on
the road reading aloud, in her nasal voice, from Fodor's guides,
invariably mispronouncing the names of people
and places. (An Amsterdam museum, she announced, featured the works
of "Vincent Van Goosh.") When she wasn't reading or criticizing my
driving, she quizzed me on why I hadn't given her any grandchildren.
She also told me that my decision to remain childless was making her
son very unhappy. (Funny, I had thought it was OUR decision, not MY
decision.)
In every country we visited, she refused to believe the locals could
not understand her, and raised her voice on the premise that speaking
loudly would shatter the language barrier. And she also railed in
querulous tones about how stupid it was that American currency was
not accepted everywhere.
Believe it or not, I kept my cool until just two days before the end
of her visit. (I was raised to respect my elders and also wanted to
preserve my marriage.) By then, however, I had reached
my limit and shouted at her that I wished she'd go home. She and I
did not speak for those last two days and, needless to say, I was
thrilled to see her leave.
-- Gioia
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